I think I’m addicted to being a martyr. Why else would I respond more lovingly to my husband when he’s moody and discontented than when he’s balanced and loving? That’s a perplexing question to me. I need clarity here, God. I need You to help me be okay when things are wonderful.
I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of: a wonderful, handsome, loving, successful husband; a beautiful home; the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom to my precious newborn; two beautiful, healthy daughters; sane relationships with the members of my family; and a strong A.A. program that has helped me to not take a drink for over 5 years. I have it all. What the hell’s the matter with me that I want to nit-pick for flaws rather than sing alleluia? Is it because of the responsibility? Is it because it is difficult? It’s because I’m immature!
Help me grow up, God! I don’t want to sour this beautiful man who tries so hard to love me. Help me, God! Help me to count my blessings!
I guess the bottom line is that I haven’t been putting God first, which is the only way that I am capable of remembering who I am. I am a child of God who is here to serve and to love and to be loved.
Once again, I give myself to You, dear God, and ask that You mold me and help my capacity to love expand with all of the changes in my life.
Unmasked Excerpt
Paige Thomas DeHart 