Posts Tagged ‘true identity’

I think I’m addicted to being a martyr. Why else would I respond more lovingly to my husband when he’s moody and discontented than when he’s balanced and loving? That’s a perplexing question to me. I need clarity here, God. I need You to help me be okay when things are wonderful.

I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of: a wonderful, handsome, loving, successful husband; a beautiful home; the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom to my precious newborn; two beautiful, healthy daughters; sane relationships with the members of my family; and a strong A.A. program that has helped me to not take a drink for over 5 years. I have it all. What the hell’s the matter with me that I want to nit-pick for flaws rather than sing alleluia? Is it because of the responsibility? Is it because it is difficult? It’s because I’m immature!  

Help me grow up, God! I don’t want to sour this beautiful man who tries so hard to love me. Help me, God! Help me to count my blessings!

I guess the bottom line is that I haven’t been putting God first, which is the only way that I am capable of remembering who I am. I am a child of God who is here to serve and to love and to be loved. 

Once again, I give myself to You, dear God, and ask that You mold me and help my capacity to love expand with all of the changes in my life.

Unmasked Excerpt

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