Posts Tagged ‘surrender’

God makes the rivers to flow. They tire not, nor do they cease from flowing. May the river of my life flow into the sea of love that is the Lord. – The Rig Veda

There is no “me.”

Life is difficult.

Life is difficult because I think that it is about getting what I want in an easy, exciting, and pain-free way.

To be free, I must understand that the true point of life is to grow along spiritual lines.

I have been meditating on the fact that desire is the real culprit; the desire for pleasure to be specific.  Seeking pleasure is the way that my false self gains identity.  Pleasure is excitement, false sense of power, and lack of pain; gratification from non-eternal elements.  These are the causes and conditions that block me from God – all fueled by desire (wanting).

When I realize there is no “me,” I dissolve into the sea of love as Alka-Seltzer dissolves in water.  The difficulties in this life are analogous to a drop of water in the ocean fighting for its own identity.  Why would I prefer to be a single drop when, in reality, I am one with the entire ocean?

As are all drops.

The Journey Continues

January 30, 2013


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My eve was in truth my dawn. – Kahlil Gibran

Last year was a great year, but not because it was joyous.   It was difficult and painful, but I learned.

I tried to read over last year’s entries and bored myself to death with all of the theology.  All of the alone time kept me in my head – trying to figure things out – trying to conceive the inconceivable.  God took care of that.

Last year, Randy and I were brought to a place where all of our best efforts were exposed as filthy rags.  We were forced to let go.  It wasn’t a bold and heroic letting go.  It was one of those things where we tried to hang on, but we finally lost our grips and fell – and God caught us.

Now, we begin a new year and the thing I see so clearly is that I must maintain this letting go.  All kinds of things are stirring up again, but I need to observe myself closely in order to see when I start doing the stirring myself – which I always inevitably do.

Last year taught me that God will do what needs to be done.  The last entry before the shift says that I am finished – that I have come to the end of my self-efforts.  Let that be the truth, Lord.  Like the Casting Crowns song says, “I’ve been trying so hard to stop trying so hard.”  I’m sick and tired of trying to do anything.

I have no clue what to expect from ’08.  I believed that ’07 was the year that so much money would come in that we would need an investment banker.  Instead we lost everything and ended up on food stamps with government insurance for Hope.  Now I say to You, “Thy will be done.”  Glorify Yourself through me.  It doesn’t matter anymore if You exalt me or execute me.  Just have Your way.  I give this year to You as a blank Paige.  Do what You will.

The Journey Continues

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


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