Paige Thomas DeHart

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy; and you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. – Kahlil Gibran

I have been experiencing intense emotion over Hope’s shooting and recovery. In many ways, I feel emotionally devastated. However, this experience has shone a great light on the magnitude of God’s Grace.

When Hope was in the ICU in critical condition, our visitors would ask me, “How are you doing this?” I would reply that I did not know. All I did know was that my daughter needed me and that my mission in life at that time was to be there; to cut the remaining acrylic nails off of her fingers, to clean the blood from underneath her real nails, to wipe the drool from her face and throat, to clean her body when her bodily functions were uncontrollable – to simply do whatever needed to be done and to be present for her. What I saw was a broken child who was on her road to recovery.

Now that we are home, many of my friends have admitted that they did not believe that Hope would survive. I can honestly say that there was only one brief moment that I did not believe that she would recover. Three days after the shooting, we were told that it was unlikely that Hope would survive the day. In a solemn moment in the waiting room, the entire family was gathered in utter silence and despair. The hospital staff averted our glances in sadness. My husband was seated in a chair; stunned, with tears flowing down his face. I searched my mind to remember the date; the date of Hope’s death. But then something amazing happened; I felt led to approach my husband and to encourage him. “We can do this,” I said. “As long as we stick together, we can get through this.” Then the Spirit of the Risen Jesus spoke to me, “Only supernatural grace can make a grieving mother a comfort to others.” In that moment, I knew that Hope would not die on August 6^th, 2015. In that moment, I knew that God’s Grace is sufficient in all circumstances.

However, today I see that God’s Grace carried me not only through that moment, but through the entire experience because, today, I can feel the emotions that were not available to me at the time of her hospitalization. Yesterday, I watched the video of Hope’s first steps after the shooting. She was fragile and unsteady. She could not balance her gravely injured head. She could only take a few steps before needing to sit down. She had minimal understanding of what was happening. As I watched the video, I broke into tears that have flowed for the last 24 hours. The reality of the devastation of her injury crashed into my awareness; along with the awareness of the magnitude of God’s supernatural Grace. These sorrowful tears are also tears of gratitude. I give thanks to God for a brokenness that creates more space for Himself. I give thanks to God for His Power that can transform horror into holiness. I give thanks to God for making a grieving mother a comfort to others. And may the God of Love bring comfort, power, and peace to you. Namaste.

The Journey Continues

September 17, 2015

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