Life is a banquet. And the tragedy is that most people are starving to death.. – Anthony DeMello
I did some crystal and drank some drinks, but they didn’t work. I prayed a minute ago because I keep thinking about suicide; even though I know with every fiber of my being that I cannot kill myself. I must live for my daughter if nothing else. She’s so beautiful and I love her so much.
I believe (hope) that this is just the beginning of an upward slope. I have to take it one day at a time because if I try to go much farther than that, I panic. My hopes and dreams for my life seem very far out of reach. I want an education, a home of our own for the baby and me, a decent career so that I can take care of her, a healthy and loving relationship with a man, and most importantly, the ability to love and care for myself and to enjoy being the person that I am. I really believe that all of this will materialize as soon as I stop feeling lonely, depressed, and sorry for myself and start taking the steps necessary to get the mega-load of work accomplished that a dream like this requires.
I’ve always tried the softer, easier route, but I just can’t do that anymore because it won’t take me to the same place. Richard Bach says that “You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true.” I believe that.
Tonight I spent a lot of time wishing that I could settle for so much less, but I can’t. For today, I know what I want so I guess it’s what I deserve to have. I am determined to grow – in spite of myself. Someday, I’ll be happy. I know I will. I believe in God with all my heart and I believe that my dreams are there for a reason. The prayers I said are working. I’m feeling better.
You may have to work for it, however. – Richard Bach
Unmasked Excerpt
Dogged Rebellion
January 16, 1988
Paige Thomas DeHart 