Posts Tagged ‘relapse’

This series of excerpts is dedicated to raise awareness about addiction and mental illness: posted in loving memory of Robin Williams and all who have lost their lives or are suffering from mental illness and/or addiction.

You are always a slave to what you are not aware of. – Anthony DeMello

Three weeks already! I’ve been out of the program – out of my mind. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been learning a few things, but I’m still riding the endless merry-go-round of party-hangover-sometimes lucid moments. I’m slipping back into my old ways. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know if I’ll make it, and I don’t feel confident in my actions. I’m lost.

I hope with all of my heart that God is really there and that if I hang on tight, I’ll make it through with Him at my side. I can’t believe how scary life has become. I need God’s help desperately right now, but I don’t know exactly how to pray. I just want God’s way. I don’t want to live or die in hell. I feel as though I’m very familiar with what hell is – no control – self-will run riot. I want so much more.

Unmasked Excerpt

Dark Valley

August 22, 1988


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