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Posts Tagged ‘Recovery’

Reality eventually forces you to take a second look, and what you see begins to dissolve your selfishness.  You see that you are not alone, that your time will not be spent alone, that your life is in fact many lives, and that no matter how determined you are to make it so, your happiness cannot be solitary.  What you see is that there is something else as important to you as your own life. – Hugh Prather

Things have been beautifully peaceful lately. Life really is so simple.  Love God.  Love yourself.  Love others.  The way to love is to serve with joy.  The willingness to serve with joy comes from forgiveness that extends from the willingness to live and let live.  Above all else, don’t sweat it.  Willingness really is the key.

I made a joke the other day about finding my identity in the midst of Tupperware.  Then it dawned on me that I have found my identity in the midst of being a part of something greater than myself; in the midst of A.A., in the midst of Unity, in the midst of my family.  In my willingness to serve, I found salvation – true freedom.

Life is good.  God is great!

Unmasked Excerpt

Becoming Human

March 24, 1997

 

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The following is dedicated to raise awareness concerning addiction and mental illness: posted in loving memory of Robin Williams and all who have lost their lives or are suffering from mental illness and/or addiction.

It’s not that we fear the place of darkness, but that we don’t think we are worth the effort to find the place of light. – Hugh Prather

I feel terrible right now. I’m so depressed and suicidal again. I need to be in a hospital, but I have my doubts that it will happen. The realization of how sick I am is overwhelming. I am a very sick woman and I don’t seem to be getting any better. My relationships don’t work because of my mental illness and neither does my life. I know that the Twelve Steps have helped people that were as sick as I am, but I still don’t have very much hope. I keep winding down more and more. Once again, I’m caught in the downward spiral. I literally don’t want to get out of bed at this point. I can’t feel any joy. It seems like the whole world is enjoying life without me.

I wish so much that I hadn’t taken that drink, but I’ve got to admit that I feel so bad that I could do it again. But now I see what they mean – there’s no situation so bad that taking a drink won’t make it worse. This too shall pass. I need God. I need support. I need professional help. A sick mind does not heal itself.

Unmasked Excerpt

Dark Valley

August 17, 1989

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We differ from others only in what we do or don’t do, not in what we are. – Anthony DeMello

The following pages are excerpts from my journal that began as a class requirement in my tenth grade English class. Weeks into the assignment, I became certain that it was an important project that would someday be published. Consequently, I have been obedient to the push from within that has consistently urged me to “write that down.”  The journal is now 28 years old and 22 books long. Beginning with an entry from 1980 when I was 18 years old and finishing high school, the book has been edited in order to respect your time and patience, but remains raw enough to capture the truth of the person I was at the time of the writing. The names of all but the current people in my life have been changed in order to protect their privacy.

In the first entry, I insinuate that I wish I could go back in time and share with myself the wisdom of experience. With this as one of the objectives of this book, I have used the timeless words of saints, sages, the salvaged, and the Savior to speak wisdom into my circumstances.

However, many of these circumstances have not been pleasant. Although God dramatically entered my life in 1986, I have been an alcoholic, an addict, a compulsively overeating bulimic, a harlot, an adulteress, a child murderer, a manic depressive with psychotic tendencies, a liar, a cheater, and a thief. I am a fallen soul – saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ and given an entirely new life, from the inside out.

Nonetheless, my journey to redemption has been unconventional. Spiritually, I have been immersed in Alcoholics Anonymous, Unity Church, the Self-Realization Fellowship, the Pentecostal Church, the Evangelical Bible Church, and the Anglican Church. As a self-educated college drop-out, my intellectual pursuits have been Psychology, Quantum Physics, Sociology, and World Religion. I have found pieces of truth, as well as error, in all of these places, but have been able to reconcile my learning into a comprehensive worldview. Consequently, another objective of this book is to share this reconciliation with you; to educate you on the nature of addiction and the vital ingredients necessary for permanent and effective Twelve Step sobriety, to clarify the ideas of New Age Thought, and to illuminate the universal truths of life as well as the unique Truth of Christianity.

However, the most important objective of this book is to bring hope to those of you who feel as though you are lost beyond retrieval.  I pray that my experience will encourage you to believe that there is nothing that you can do or have done that is capable of separating you from the love of God – if only you will turn to Him and follow Him.  I have exposed my deepest and most shameful secrets that you may know that you are not alone.

It is my prayer that all of us may learn that the one true God desires and is able to meet us where we are with the ultimate purpose of unifying us for the perfection and peace of His world. I encourage you to move through these pages with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to stretch beyond your previous boundaries of knowledge and understanding in order to have a fresh perspective of yourself, your companions in life, and the world in which you live.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  May God Himself lead you personally and profoundly into the deep reality of this statement; into an experience with Him as the endless well of Life, Love, and Truth.  This is the hope of glory.

Paige DeHart

Bedford, Texas

August, 2006

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This is the very perfection of man, to find out his own imperfections. – Saint Augustine

Another year!  2008 was not fun.  I basically spent the whole year feeling sorry for myself because I have to work and because I am getting old.  Last night, I was half asleep and thinking about Hope and Laurel and what they would be like as adults.  The Spirit jumped in and convicted me about how self-centered I have been in thinking that my life is all about me.  He told me that I have been worried about losing my youth, but that I still have plenty of good years ahead of me participating in the lives of the people that I help – which include the lives of my children – and future grandchildren.  I can be such a brat.

I finally finished formatting all of the step work and then decided to work the steps again myself.  In step two, I realized that I have been having a huge crisis of faith.  I basically just turned from the Lord and decided that I will never trust him again.  I also began to believe that God is not as great as I once believed.  Those lies have been tearing me apart.  I am willing to believe that his promises are true – and that no mind can conceive the good that God has planned for those that love Him.  I love Him, but sometimes it is conditional love.  Like I said, I can be such a brat.

I also heard in my spirit that I had to believe really grandiose things in the past or else I would not have had the motivation to hang in there.  Now, just being able to be content in all situations would be enough for me.  I don’t care anything about being special anymore.

Anyway, it’s another new year.  Time flies when you’re a spoiled brat!

The Journey Continues

January 1, 2009

 

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Paige DeHart is a guest tonight on Trinity Broadcasting Network’s “Praise The Lord.”  This special Overcomer’s event, hosted by Pastor Donnie McClurkin, also includes Grateful Apparel’s founder, Raymond Rivera, and Teen Challenge Pastor, Jimmy Jack.  Tune in tonight, June 24, at 9:00 CST on TBN – http://www.tbn.org

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