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Posts Tagged ‘personal growth’

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Begin

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it now. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” – Goethe 

The farther I progress into my transformative process, I understand the jargon of the program better – like doing the same thing over and over again; expecting different results. My experience was very limited (partying and making up my own rules as I went along) and I was absolutely unwilling to do anything that I couldn’t be a know-it-all at. That didn’t leave much room for growth.

When I came to the program, my only goal was to clean up the mess that was my life. As I worked the Steps, the debris was cleared and power became available to actually build something; a real life!

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“In my Father’s house, there are many mansions.” – Jesus

I have been having a recurring dream that I live in a house and realize that there is a whole wing of the house that is uninhabited. At one point in the dream, it occurs to me that I should start using the extra rooms. I finally figured out what the dream meant and then I quit having it.

Anyway, to me the dream is saying that I am my house and the uninhabited wings are the parts of me that are yet to be discovered. They are the possibilities for me if I dare to cross my comfortable thresholds and explore beyond the present boundaries of where I live and move and have my being.  

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The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul. – Psalm 23:1-3

I keep having drinking dreams. They’re just awful. I’m so grateful to be sober. We watched “The Days of Wine and Roses” the other night. It sent shivers up my spine; especially when they read the preamble from A.A. I felt so grateful and full of awe over the power that A.A. has had in my life; the power that God has had in my life. I’ve come a long way from living in a two-room duplex with trash piled in the corner, the ironing board sitting in the middle of the living room, the cat drinking from the cat box, and the fridge having nothing in it but vodka, wine, and beer. I can’t even believe that person was me, but I remember it. I hope I never forget.

All I’ve ever wanted was to be was happy. I have all I ever wanted and so much more. My life is overflowing with an abundance of love and joy and laughter and friendship. I am whole and complete.

Thank You, God!!!

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“This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.” – Deepak Chopra

Sometimes I have such bittersweet feelings because I know that this precious time when Hope is my little baby is so fleeting. However, how do I know that there aren’t more precious times ahead with all of the children? 

Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been all of my life. I guess looking forward to the best that was yet to come. I realize that better things may very well be coming, but that the best, so far, is right here and right now. Who cares if this great and poignant beauty of life is not forever? It’s here and I see it. I am experiencing it.

Sometimes I just hate the way that joy and sorrow are so similar. I guess the seeming polarity is what keeps it all in balance, in perspective; what keeps it all from becoming mundane and keeps me from becoming complacent.

I am enjoying motherhood so immensely. I am so blessed to have such precious children; and to have such a gentle and loving husband. We have come such a long way together; I don’t even recognize us anymore yet the peace between us is so anciently familiar. We are truly learning to live and let live. 

I have a wonderful life! I just need to quit being so dramatic and not let the fact that it’s transitory get me down. I have no cares for tomorrow for my present moment is well lived.

Thank You, God!

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“What do I want to do in life?”Here I assume a reason for living that is separate from life.- Hugh Prather

The other day I was sitting in my rocker, nursing the baby, and listening to the other kids bicker over homework. I had dinner in the oven and about a million loads of laundry to fold. All I could think was, “This is fun.” Last night, I woke up and realized that what I had been experiencing were the sounds and feelings of a “family;” my family. I guess that’s all I ever really needed; to be a part of a family. It’s not over-rated. I’m so grateful to be experiencing these simple things. I’m so grateful to live! I love my simple, beautiful life!

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