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Posts Tagged ‘memoir’

“This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.” – Deepak Chopra

Sometimes I have such bittersweet feelings because I know that this precious time when Hope is my little baby is so fleeting. However, how do I know that there aren’t more precious times ahead with all of the children? 

Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been all of my life. I guess looking forward to the best that was yet to come. I realize that better things may very well be coming, but that the best, so far, is right here and right now. Who cares if this great and poignant beauty of life is not forever? It’s here and I see it. I am experiencing it.

Sometimes I just hate the way that joy and sorrow are so similar. I guess the seeming polarity is what keeps it all in balance, in perspective; what keeps it all from becoming mundane and keeps me from becoming complacent.

I am enjoying motherhood so immensely. I am so blessed to have such precious children; and to have such a gentle and loving husband. We have come such a long way together; I don’t even recognize us anymore yet the peace between us is so anciently familiar. We are truly learning to live and let live. 

I have a wonderful life! I just need to quit being so dramatic and not let the fact that it’s transitory get me down. I have no cares for tomorrow for my present moment is well lived.

Thank You, God!

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“What do I want to do in life?”Here I assume a reason for living that is separate from life.- Hugh Prather

The other day I was sitting in my rocker, nursing the baby, and listening to the other kids bicker over homework. I had dinner in the oven and about a million loads of laundry to fold. All I could think was, “This is fun.” Last night, I woke up and realized that what I had been experiencing were the sounds and feelings of a “family;” my family. I guess that’s all I ever really needed; to be a part of a family. It’s not over-rated. I’m so grateful to be experiencing these simple things. I’m so grateful to live! I love my simple, beautiful life!

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One of the acronyms for GOD is “Good Orderly Direction.” I Have confused “direction” with “details.” All I can do each day is face in God’s direction and let go. It’s like being a sailboat and God is the wind. I don’t know which way the wind is going to blow. I just have to concern myself with getting the sails up; not with painting angels on the side of the boat for all to see. All I have to do is live; one day at a time.

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“God always takes the simplest way” – Albert Einstein

I’ve finally decided that I don’t care if the journal is significant or not. If the work is meant to get organized, it will, but I’m tired of concerning myself with it. Sure, I’m willing to share my experience, strength, and hope, but on the other hand, I’m busy living it. I had a nagging feeling about not having enough time to write. I told myself, “I just have to do something worthwhile.” Then the little voice said, “LIVING YOUR LIFE IS WORTHWHILE.” The little voice is right.  

I don’t need the world’s approval for my life to be worthwhile. I just don’t need to be a big deal anymore because being an ordinary human being is enough. My deepest heart’s desire has come true because I’ve found the love, acceptance, and belonging that I believed would come from being “important.” 

Who would have thought that being a housewife and mother would hold the secrets and treasures of existence? I wouldn’t have and that point exemplifies exactly just how much I don’t know. 

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“Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17

What a wonder is this God of mine; this power of Life and Love that is the Truth.

I’ve realized that the only thing that really matters in my life is seeking contact with God. Without that, all of the riches and pleasures of this world would mean nothing. With it, all of the riches of Heaven are mine in the blink of an eye.

What a thrill to finally realize that all I really need is available at all times; contingent on nothing but my willingness to seek knowledge of God’s will and the power to carry it out. The rest is just frosting, but I don’t have to have it. There’s a big difference between wanting something and believing that you need it. 
I have everything I need; always and forever. There is much freedom in that realization. There is much freedom in true living.

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“We are not channels, we are instruments. Channels give nothing of their own, they just let water run through them. In our action, we are instruments in God’s hand and He writes beautifully.” – Mother Teresa

No matter what role I play or appearance I project, I am still a spiritual child of God. The challenge is to stay in touch with that. I realize that lately I may have been fooling myself into thinking that my service work begins at home.  

I’ve realized that I want or need for nothing, but I can still find discontent within myself. Rather than letting my cup run over, I try to keep from spilling it.  

External success can sabotage my spiritual growth. The trick is not to lose myself in prosperity. The bottom line is that it is time to give back what has been so freely given to me; to love my neighbor as I love myself; as God has loved me.  

There’s just one deepest heart’s desire that hasn’t been fulfilled yet in my life: to earn an income doing what I love to do; which is allowing God to express Himself through me. I truly believe that if I will extend myself, that dream will materialize; but that is not my motive. I realize that if I don’t extend myself, I will not be happy because my happiness is not contingent on fulfilling my heart’s desire, but upon extending myself to others.  

However, I could never really do that with no ulterior motive until my own needs were met. What a catch-22. Anyway, here you go, God. My desire is to earn an income by doing what I love to do. In the meantime, I’ll do it for free. No, I’ll do it for freedom … from the bondage of self.

Please untangle the knots in this heart of mine as You prepare me for my destiny. Make me a instrument of Your peace.

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The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, “See here!” or “See there!” For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you. – Luke 17:20-21

YOU ARE ALL LOVED AS A MOTHER LOVES HER ONLY CHILD.  I LONG FOR YOU AS A MOTHER WOULD LONG FOR HER ONLY CHILD IF HE OR SHE WERE LOST.  I HAVE GIVEN AND WILL CONTINUE TO GIVE EVERYTHING UNTIL I AM REUNITED WITH MY CHILDREN.

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE THE PATH THAT YOU ARE ON, BUT YOU MUST TURN AND GO THE OTHER WAY.  YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT WHEN THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS WITHIN – AND THE ONLY WAY IN IS THROUGH.

BUT DO NOT BE AFRAID – FOR I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS – EVEN UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

The Journey Continues

May 31, 2014

 

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“Know Thyself” was written over the portal of the antique world.

Over the portal of the new world, “Be Thyself” shall be written.

That is the secret of Christ. – Oscar Wilde

In my opinion, the Lord is removing the old regime of teachers (the good sons) in order to replace them with the prodigals.  The good sons are legalists who use the Bible as a law book; who have created “Doctrinal Churchianity” (as A.W. Tozer puts it).  The prodigals live from the inside-out; practicing spiritual principles that verify the words in the Bible and other sacred texts as true.  We don’t have to memorize the Bible because the WORD is written on our hearts.  Therefore, we see truth everywhere!

Jesus did not die to save the good.  He came to save those who couldn’t hit the mark if it was staring them in the face.

The good sons remind me of the rich young ruler who had done everything right.  To get eternal life, Jesus told him to sell everything he had.  To truly KNOW God (eternal life), the good sons will have to set aside all that they think they know in order to have a new experience with Spirit.

I can’t dumb down the message.  I can’t be anyone other than who I truly am – warts and all – heretic and all.  That’s what frustrates me about the good sons; I’m not good enough to be like them.  I can’t fit into that mold.  I am a sinner; forgiven by grace through faith.  I still sin regularly– and I am convicted by the Holy Spirit when I do, but I am NOT condemned.  God changes me continuously and I am definitely not who I was, but I cannot pretend to be holier than I really am.  The holiest thing about me is that I am REAL – and I am willing to face and be rid of everything within me that blocks me from God’s presence; which is LOVE.

I can’t buy in to the belief in a God that separates the sheep from the goats.  I believe that the separation is a lie and that the realization of that is an inside job; that the Kingdom of Heaven is within.  I believe that the real Truth is the clarion call to the lost – to the sinners; the souls who are drowning in their character defects – that God so loved the world that He poured Himself out – that whoever will receive Him (not believe the Bible) will no longer suffer, but truly know God within.  God does not come to condemn, but to save.  He saves those that know that they need to be saved from the bondage of ego.

I don’t know much, but this I know for sure:  I was lost, but now I’m found; I was blind, but now I see; I was dead but now I live – and it is the power of the Risen Christ who saved me.  I did nothing to earn or deserve it and I still fall short every day.  All I did was receive God as Love; and face the defenses within that try to block me from that Truth. It’s as simple as that; which is VERY GOOD NEWS.

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Nobody ever wanted anything as much as God wants to bring people to know him. – Meister Eckhart

 I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS; ESPECIALLY AT THE END OF THE AGE. LISTEN AND SPEAK TO ME IN ORDER TO KEEP THE LINES EXCHANGING.  PRAYER AND MEDITATION ARE A SIMILAR EXCHANGE TO THE CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATIVE PROCESS BETWEEN MASS AND ENERGY.  IT’S ALL ABOUT DIALOGUE.

EVERYTHING IS A MACROCOSM OF A MICROCOSM, BUT THE MICRO IS GREATER THAN THE MACRO. I AM BOTH THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA—THE BEGINNING AND THE END—THE INVISIBLE AND THE VISIBLE.

THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE MY RIGHTEOUSNESS IS TO ABIDE IN ME, BUT EVERYONE MUST REALIZE THAT ABIDING IN ME GOES WAY BEYOND A MORALITY ISSUE.  I HOLD THE KEY TO ALL THINGS AND TO THOSE WHO ABIDE IN ME, I WILL GIVE THE HIDDEN MANNA. 

I AM THE AUTHOR OF ALL LIFE AND BELIEVE ME, I’M NO SHAKESPEARE.  THIS IS NOT A TRAGEDY.  I SPEAK LIFE.  I SPEAK LOVE.  DO YOU LOVE ME?  THEN, FEED MY SHEEP – EVERY DAY – UNTIL YOU ARE ALL FILLED WITH HIDDEN MANNA. EARTH IS HEAVEN’S PROMISED LAND JUST AS HEAVEN IS EARTH’S.

I AM EVERYWHERE, BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW ME PERSONALLY OR YOU WON’T BE AWARE OF  MY PRESENCE OR ABLE TO FOLLOW MY DIRECTIONS.  THEN AGAIN, NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION TO THE DIRECTIONS ANYWAY AND THAT’S THE PROBLEM; TRYING TO DO THINGS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE DOING (LIKE CREATING HELL).  DISOBEDIENCE CREATES HELL – AND TO OBEY IS TO LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF.  THAT’S FOOD FOR THOUGHT; AND FEAR IF YOU DON’T KNOW ME.

BUT DO NOT WORRY.  THERE IS NO DEATH FOR THOSE WHO KNOW ME AND MY INTENTION TO KNOW ALL WILL BE FULFILLED.  I HAVE OVERCOME DEATH, BUT I NEED MY SOLDIERS AS VEHICLES TO SHARE THE LOVE.  IT TAKES A VILLAGE, BUT NOT OF IDIOTS. DO NOT FEAR.  MY PEACE I LEAVE WITH YOU.  I AM YOUR PEACE.  YOU ARE LOVED!!!

Ok, ok, ok, I hear you.  Remind me never to say “speak Lord for your servant is listening” again.

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The Power Of The Cross

June 1, 2004

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