Posts Tagged ‘love’

Today God showed me that a large part of my separation anxiety with my daughter stems from not experiencing the normal rites of passage that prepare us for the departure of our children into adulthood: getting a driver’s license, learning how to keep a small job, finishing High School, etc. These are the things that I stressed to her that were important, but maybe they were really just important to me; for me to feel safe about her being out in the world without me.

One more time I catch myself playing God; without even knowing it.

God has definitely showed me that I must find my security in Him because my children have had frightening and painful experiences that I could not protect them from; from losing their new Kate Spade wallet, to having their hearts broken, to having a friend commit suicide, to getting shot in the head and dumped on a dead-end road in the dark of night.

God showed me that their experiences are not my experiences: that to assume that I am the guardian of their lives is a discourtesy to them as they find their way in this world with God’s help; just as I found my way.

So, I guess for the first time really, I offer my adult children to You, Lord. I release them that my hands may become empty; that I may hold Your hand.  I am reminded by Your unfailing love that for me to continue to be made whole and real, I will be tattered and torn by the most precious love I have for these girls who have become women; made possible only because You first loved me.

Into Your hands I commit our spirits. Fly away, little birds…..

Namaste and Amen


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Nobody ever wanted anything as much as God wants to bring people to know him. – Meister Eckhart 

I haven’t written for a while because my life was shattered on August 3rd, but there is something deep within me that is welling its way toward expression.

My daughter, Hope, was shot in the head on August 3rd; exactly four weeks ago to date. She was left for dead on a dead-end street. When she was found, homicide detectives were called because it seemed unlikely that she would survive. She survived emergency brain surgery, but took a turn for the worse on August 6th. We were told that we “needed a miracle” to save her. We asked for one – and we got it. We brought Hope home from the hospital yesterday and she has already been to church and to I-Hop. And that’s all I have to say about these circumstances because the news media is already doing the job of spreading “Hope’s Miracle.”

The thing that I feel compelled to share is the “backstory” of the miracle. On the morning of August 6th, I cried out to God; vacillating between begging for the life of my youngest child and cursing the people who hurt her. In the midst of my pleas for God to let her live, I heard so clearly within my spirit, “That is up to you; how much are you willing to forgive and how much are you willing to believe?” In that moment, something truly supernatural occurred within me. Not only did my malice towards her offenders leave me, but I actually experienced compassion for them. As the fog of negativity lifted, I once again heard that inaudible voice whose counsel has led me for so many years, “Don’t fall for this. Don’t believe what you see; believe what you KNOW.”

And this is what I know: God loves each of us as a mother loves her only child. But most of us do not experience that love because we have bought into the belief that Love could turn her back on seeming imperfection. Love takes our “sins” no more seriously than a mother watching her child play make-believe. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God; except the belief that we are separate from each other and from God.

Everyone says that Hope’s Miracle is the proof that God is real. This experience is that and so much more for me. Hope’s Miracle is proof that even a willingness to forgive makes room for abounding grace. Hope’s Miracle is proof that when two or more are gathered, the Spirit of the Risen Jesus is in the midst. Hope’s Miracle is proof that if I earnestly take one step towards God, Love will take a million steps towards me.

Hope’s Miracle IS proof that God is real; so how much are YOU willing to forgive and how much are YOU willing to believe?

The Journey Continues

August 31, 2015


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Your children are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. – Kahlil Gibran

I love motherhood. The person that I am with Laurel is the best person that I’ve ever been – the person I enjoy being. The love I feel for Laurel affirms greater faith in God and new love for myself. One look at her and I know that there’s a God.

As you lay your head to rest,

cradled in the nest of my bosom,

I wonder with awe at the miracle I see

as regal splendor blossoms in eternity.

While bathing in your precious smile,

filled with joy, I get charmed for awhile

as my prayer is affirmed

that man is not lost forever.

With a gentle stroke to your tiny face,

I catch a glimpse of myself

that helps to erase

the hopelessness I’d come to know

for I love you so.

How God must love His children even more.

O, precious, infant child of mine,

you’re all that’s gracious and divine.

You’ve the Light of the world in those sparkling eyes.

You’re one of God’s angels in disguise. – Paige DeHart

Unmasked Excerpt

Slipping Away

December 29, 1987


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We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other. To meet, to love, to share. It is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. – Deepak Chopra

Sometimes I have such bittersweet feelings because I know that this precious time with Hope as my little baby is so fleeting. Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been all of my life. I guess looking forward to the best that was yet to come. I realize that better things may very well be coming, but that the best, so far, is right here and right now. Who cares if this great and poignant beauty of life is not forever? It’s here and I see it. I am experiencing it.

Sometimes I just hate the way that joy and sorrow are so similar. I guess the seeming polarity is what keeps it all in balance; in perspective – what keeps it all from becoming mundane and keeps me from becoming complacent.

I am enjoying motherhood so immensely. It’s still so hard not to suffer over what I missed with Laurel, but that’s just another way of depriving myself out of enjoying my time with her right now while she’s my sweet 9-year-old. She’s such a beauty; so smart and inherently generous, sensitive, and sweet. I am so blessed to have such precious children; and to have such a gentle and loving husband. We have come such a long way together. I don’t even recognize us anymore yet the peace between us is so anciently familiar. We are truly learning to live and let live. I have a wonderful life. I just need to quit being so dramatic and not let the fact that it’s transitory get me down.


Like Chopra says, it’s just a “parenthesis in eternity” and if we can manage to “touch each other and love each other – it is worthwhile.”  My life is worthwhile. I have no cares for tomorrow for my present moment is well lived.  Thank You, God.

Unmasked Excerpt

Home At Last

January 30, 1997


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No journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us,

it goes an equal distance into the world within. – Lillian Smith

I’ve learned so many things from Randy. Mainly, I truly see that no one’s living the dream life. You get out what you put in. There is no easier, softer way than plain and simply taking right action. The word “action” insinuates work. The grass is not greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it. For today, I continue to cultivate my little green pasture with Randy, but I also see that the most important relationship in my life is with God. We may all be one, which I believe that we are, but while we’re manifesting on earth we might as well accept the fact that the true nesting fortress for each and every one of us is God within us. I can’t depend on any person, place, or thing outside of myself for security.  That’s one of the loneliest ideas for me to accept.  However, we do have each other to hold hands along the way. As Desiderata says, “With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it’s still a beautiful world.

Unmasked Excerpt

April 14, 1995

The Work of Love

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