Posts Tagged ‘hope’

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. – Richard Bach

My daughter’s addiction to methamphetamine continues to worsen.  I can’t even describe the experience.  Each level of pain and loss brings new awareness of letting go and moving closer to God.  All of this really helps me to understand the ideas of detachment and the solitary journey.

My worst fear has always been to lose one of my children.  Now that I have lost my child to something even more heinous than death, I realize that we all lose our children – and ourselves – each and every day.  Each day is a death – and a birth – which makes me see how truly important it is to cherish each day – each and every moment.

However, in the midst of all this pain and loss is hope.  I have unshakeable faith in an omnipotent God and I truly know that the circumstances of this world are mere illusion in comparison to the joy of eternity.  So I give this to You, Lord – knowing and trusting that You know what You’re doing.  Thank You for a pain so deep that I have realized that all that is true is joy.

The Journey Continues

Sunday, July 13, 2014


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Your children are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. – Kahlil Gibran

I love motherhood. The person that I am with Laurel is the best person that I’ve ever been – the person I enjoy being. The love I feel for Laurel affirms greater faith in God and new love for myself. One look at her and I know that there’s a God.

As you lay your head to rest,

cradled in the nest of my bosom,

I wonder with awe at the miracle I see

as regal splendor blossoms in eternity.

While bathing in your precious smile,

filled with joy, I get charmed for awhile

as my prayer is affirmed

that man is not lost forever.

With a gentle stroke to your tiny face,

I catch a glimpse of myself

that helps to erase

the hopelessness I’d come to know

for I love you so.

How God must love His children even more.

O, precious, infant child of mine,

you’re all that’s gracious and divine.

You’ve the Light of the world in those sparkling eyes.

You’re one of God’s angels in disguise. – Paige DeHart

Unmasked Excerpt

Slipping Away

December 29, 1987


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For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

The realizations keep coming and coming. I am finally breaking through the walls that have kept me isolated for all of my life – the walls I began to construct when I first began to believe that I was unworthy and undeserving of love. I’m finally making friends with the person that I’ve been waiting all of my life to meet – myself. Guess what? She’s not the monster I had believed her to be.

I have been very misguided at times and have done many terrible things, but I am not as worthless as I have led myself to believe.  All I know is that the child inside of me has been trapped for years and has been crying miserably for love and nurturing. I realize now that by isolating her, I never intended to hurt her – only to protect her from a world that seemed so unkind.

Although this is an ending in a way – having finally gotten even just a slight glimpse of what I have been searching for forever, this is also just the beginning. The healing is occurring miraculously. After the healing, my work begins. Step by step by step, God will reveal His plan.

Paige, you can come out, honey. Nobody is going to hurt you for I will protect you and care for you. You have my permission to be happy.

Unmasked Excerpt

If The Light In You Is Darkness

October 17, 1989



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It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.

– Motto of the Christophers

I’ve always known that being alone for a while was inevitable, but I guess I used to think that I’d have a choice. I realize now that I don’t have a choice. I see that when God is ready for me to face something, I have to face it. I can’t escape.

I just don’t know what’s going to happen with Troy. He’s afraid of me after the death threats. Maybe he should be. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself about all of this. I’ve just been trying to pick myself back up and keep on keeping on. Like the motto says, “To try and fail is hopeful.” I haven’t given up yet. I never do.

I truly believe that everything that happens is a part of God’s divine plan. At this point, I’d kind of enjoy an encouraging telegram from Him telling me what I have to look forward to, but I believe that whatever it is, it will be better than I can imagine. I’ve seen dark days before and they passed. They usually even developed into shiny new beginnings.  I believe that it is darkest before the dawn. I just hope that the sun starts shining soon. I feel a little shaky and insecure, but I still have hope that the best is yet to come. I thank God for the painful lessons because I know that this deal with Troy will really help me to grow. I thank God for the privilege of being alive.

Unmasked Excerpt


May 22, 1991


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