Posts Tagged ‘God’s love’

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. – Richard Bach

My daughter’s addiction to methamphetamine continues to worsen.  I can’t even describe the experience.  Each level of pain and loss brings new awareness of letting go and moving closer to God.  All of this really helps me to understand the ideas of detachment and the solitary journey.

My worst fear has always been to lose one of my children.  Now that I have lost my child to something even more heinous than death, I realize that we all lose our children – and ourselves – each and every day.  Each day is a death – and a birth – which makes me see how truly important it is to cherish each day – each and every moment.

However, in the midst of all this pain and loss is hope.  I have unshakeable faith in an omnipotent God and I truly know that the circumstances of this world are mere illusion in comparison to the joy of eternity.  So I give this to You, Lord – knowing and trusting that You know what You’re doing.  Thank You for a pain so deep that I have realized that all that is true is joy.

The Journey Continues

Sunday, July 13, 2014


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It is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. – Luke 12:32

I had a joy attack on the way home from speaking last night and it occurred to me how awesome it is to have the Lord as “another” than me.  Maybe we really are one in eternity where there is no misperception of separation (I believe that), but as  long as I am perceiving myself as an individual human being on planet earth, the most joyous experience of my life is the abiding sense that God is with me, but not me.  He gives me someone to worship other than myself.

I’ve always known that worship is the response to God’s presence, but now I see that it’s the response to God, period.  Loving God is worship.  Thanking God is worship.  Seeking God is worship.

I love the moments of reflection when the magnitude of how far He has brought me really sinks in.  What a beautiful journey; led by an awesome God.

The Journey Continues

June 14, 2012



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God loves each of us as if there were only one of us. – Saint Augustine

It is my prayer that all of us may learn that the one true God desires and is able to meet us where we are with the ultimate purpose of unifying us for the perfection and peace of His world. I encourage you to move through life with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to stretch beyond your previous boundaries of knowledge and understanding in order to have a fresh perspective of yourself, your companions in life, and the world in which you live.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” May God Himself lead you personally and profoundly into the deep reality of this statement; into an experience with Him as the endless well of Life, Love, and Truth.  This is the hope of glory.

Unmasked Excerpt



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Your children are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. – Kahlil Gibran

I love motherhood. The person that I am with Laurel is the best person that I’ve ever been – the person I enjoy being. The love I feel for Laurel affirms greater faith in God and new love for myself. One look at her and I know that there’s a God.

As you lay your head to rest,

cradled in the nest of my bosom,

I wonder with awe at the miracle I see

as regal splendor blossoms in eternity.

While bathing in your precious smile,

filled with joy, I get charmed for awhile

as my prayer is affirmed

that man is not lost forever.

With a gentle stroke to your tiny face,

I catch a glimpse of myself

that helps to erase

the hopelessness I’d come to know

for I love you so.

How God must love His children even more.

O, precious, infant child of mine,

you’re all that’s gracious and divine.

You’ve the Light of the world in those sparkling eyes.

You’re one of God’s angels in disguise. – Paige DeHart

Unmasked Excerpt

Slipping Away

December 29, 1987


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For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11

The realizations keep coming and coming. I am finally breaking through the walls that have kept me isolated for all of my life – the walls I began to construct when I first began to believe that I was unworthy and undeserving of love. I’m finally making friends with the person that I’ve been waiting all of my life to meet – myself. Guess what? She’s not the monster I had believed her to be.

I have been very misguided at times and have done many terrible things, but I am not as worthless as I have led myself to believe.  All I know is that the child inside of me has been trapped for years and has been crying miserably for love and nurturing. I realize now that by isolating her, I never intended to hurt her – only to protect her from a world that seemed so unkind.

Although this is an ending in a way – having finally gotten even just a slight glimpse of what I have been searching for forever, this is also just the beginning. The healing is occurring miraculously. After the healing, my work begins. Step by step by step, God will reveal His plan.

Paige, you can come out, honey. Nobody is going to hurt you for I will protect you and care for you. You have my permission to be happy.

Unmasked Excerpt

If The Light In You Is Darkness

October 17, 1989



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To get into the core of God at his greatest, one must first get into the core of himself at his least, for no one can know God who has not first known himself. – Meister Eckhart

“I have been an alcoholic, an addict, a compulsively overeating bulimic, a harlot, an adulteress, a child murderer, a manic depressive with psychotic tendencies, a liar, a cheater, and a thief.”

TBN asked for my biography.  I first sent over my professional biography; which highlights all of my accomplishments.  But later, after I had a while to think about it, I realized that the professional biography describes who I have become with God in my life.  Who I am without God is very clearly illustrated in the introduction to Unmasked (above) – so I sent that instead.

I am grateful for the principles of the 12-steps that have taught me to honestly examine myself – and for my awesome God who gives me the ability to have unconditional love and acceptance for myself – in spite of myself.  I truly believe that these tools that help me to examine my deepest motives in order to see the truth about myself are a gift.  They take me so much deeper than mere admission that I am a sinner.  They take me to the point of a sense of desperation without the power of a merciful God; a God who forgives and transforms.

I am grateful to know what I am without God – to completely understand that my life run on self-will can never succeed.  Otherwise, I could easily put God in a box as a get-out-of-hell-free card and pay lip service to the idea that we all fall short of the glory of God.  I am grateful to know that the bondage of self is true hell.

I am grateful to know that, of myself, I am beyond nothing – I am an alcoholic, an addict, a compulsively overeating bulimic …”

Thank You, amazing God!

The Journey Continues

Journal 24

June 15, 2014

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We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other. To meet, to love, to share. It is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. – Deepak Chopra

Sometimes I have such bittersweet feelings because I know that this precious time with Hope as my little baby is so fleeting. Sometimes I wonder where I’ve been all of my life. I guess looking forward to the best that was yet to come. I realize that better things may very well be coming, but that the best, so far, is right here and right now. Who cares if this great and poignant beauty of life is not forever? It’s here and I see it. I am experiencing it.

Sometimes I just hate the way that joy and sorrow are so similar. I guess the seeming polarity is what keeps it all in balance; in perspective – what keeps it all from becoming mundane and keeps me from becoming complacent.

I am enjoying motherhood so immensely. It’s still so hard not to suffer over what I missed with Laurel, but that’s just another way of depriving myself out of enjoying my time with her right now while she’s my sweet 9-year-old. She’s such a beauty; so smart and inherently generous, sensitive, and sweet. I am so blessed to have such precious children; and to have such a gentle and loving husband. We have come such a long way together. I don’t even recognize us anymore yet the peace between us is so anciently familiar. We are truly learning to live and let live. I have a wonderful life. I just need to quit being so dramatic and not let the fact that it’s transitory get me down.


Like Chopra says, it’s just a “parenthesis in eternity” and if we can manage to “touch each other and love each other – it is worthwhile.”  My life is worthwhile. I have no cares for tomorrow for my present moment is well lived.  Thank You, God.

Unmasked Excerpt

Home At Last

January 30, 1997


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No journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us,

it goes an equal distance into the world within. – Lillian Smith

I’ve learned so many things from Randy. Mainly, I truly see that no one’s living the dream life. You get out what you put in. There is no easier, softer way than plain and simply taking right action. The word “action” insinuates work. The grass is not greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it. For today, I continue to cultivate my little green pasture with Randy, but I also see that the most important relationship in my life is with God. We may all be one, which I believe that we are, but while we’re manifesting on earth we might as well accept the fact that the true nesting fortress for each and every one of us is God within us. I can’t depend on any person, place, or thing outside of myself for security.  That’s one of the loneliest ideas for me to accept.  However, we do have each other to hold hands along the way. As Desiderata says, “With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it’s still a beautiful world.

Unmasked Excerpt

April 14, 1995

The Work of Love

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