Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘God’

Today God showed me that a large part of my separation anxiety with my daughter stems from not experiencing the normal rites of passage that prepare us for the departure of our children into adulthood: getting a driver’s license, learning how to keep a small job, finishing High School, etc. These are the things that I stressed to her that were important, but maybe they were really just important to me; for me to feel safe about her being out in the world without me.

One more time I catch myself playing God; without even knowing it.

God has definitely showed me that I must find my security in Him because my children have had frightening and painful experiences that I could not protect them from; from losing their new Kate Spade wallet, to having their hearts broken, to having a friend commit suicide, to getting shot in the head and dumped on a dead-end road in the dark of night.

God showed me that their experiences are not my experiences: that to assume that I am the guardian of their lives is a discourtesy to them as they find their way in this world with God’s help; just as I found my way.

So, I guess for the first time really, I offer my adult children to You, Lord. I release them that my hands may become empty; that I may hold Your hand.  I am reminded by Your unfailing love that for me to continue to be made whole and real, I will be tattered and torn by the most precious love I have for these girls who have become women; made possible only because You first loved me.

Into Your hands I commit our spirits. Fly away, little birds…..

Namaste and Amen

love

Read Full Post »

Nobody ever wanted anything as much as God wants to bring people to know him. – Meister Eckhart 

I haven’t written for a while because my life was shattered on August 3rd, but there is something deep within me that is welling its way toward expression.

My daughter, Hope, was shot in the head on August 3rd; exactly four weeks ago to date. She was left for dead on a dead-end street. When she was found, homicide detectives were called because it seemed unlikely that she would survive. She survived emergency brain surgery, but took a turn for the worse on August 6th. We were told that we “needed a miracle” to save her. We asked for one – and we got it. We brought Hope home from the hospital yesterday and she has already been to church and to I-Hop. And that’s all I have to say about these circumstances because the news media is already doing the job of spreading “Hope’s Miracle.”

The thing that I feel compelled to share is the “backstory” of the miracle. On the morning of August 6th, I cried out to God; vacillating between begging for the life of my youngest child and cursing the people who hurt her. In the midst of my pleas for God to let her live, I heard so clearly within my spirit, “That is up to you; how much are you willing to forgive and how much are you willing to believe?” In that moment, something truly supernatural occurred within me. Not only did my malice towards her offenders leave me, but I actually experienced compassion for them. As the fog of negativity lifted, I once again heard that inaudible voice whose counsel has led me for so many years, “Don’t fall for this. Don’t believe what you see; believe what you KNOW.”

And this is what I know: God loves each of us as a mother loves her only child. But most of us do not experience that love because we have bought into the belief that Love could turn her back on seeming imperfection. Love takes our “sins” no more seriously than a mother watching her child play make-believe. There is nothing that can separate us from the love of God; except the belief that we are separate from each other and from God.

Everyone says that Hope’s Miracle is the proof that God is real. This experience is that and so much more for me. Hope’s Miracle is proof that even a willingness to forgive makes room for abounding grace. Hope’s Miracle is proof that when two or more are gathered, the Spirit of the Risen Jesus is in the midst. Hope’s Miracle is proof that if I earnestly take one step towards God, Love will take a million steps towards me.

Hope’s Miracle IS proof that God is real; so how much are YOU willing to forgive and how much are YOU willing to believe?

The Journey Continues

August 31, 2015

 

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: