Posts Tagged ‘Anthony DeMello’

Life is a banquet.  And the tragedy is that most people are starving to death.. – Anthony DeMello

I did some crystal and drank some drinks, but they didn’t work. I prayed a minute ago because I keep thinking about suicide; even though I know with every fiber of my being that I cannot kill myself. I must live for my daughter if nothing else. She’s so beautiful and I love her so much.

I believe (hope) that this is just the beginning of an upward slope. I have to take it one day at a time because if I try to go much farther than that, I panic.  My hopes and dreams for my life seem very far out of reach. I want an education, a home of our own for the baby and me, a decent career so that I can take care of her, a healthy and loving relationship with a man, and most importantly, the ability to love and care for myself and to enjoy being the person that I am. I really believe that all of this will materialize as soon as I stop feeling lonely, depressed, and sorry for myself and start taking the steps necessary to get the mega-load of work accomplished that a dream like this requires.

I’ve always tried the softer, easier route, but I just can’t do that anymore because it won’t take me to the same place. Richard Bach says that “You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true.”  I believe that.

Tonight I spent a lot of time wishing that I could settle for so much less, but I can’t. For today, I know what I want so I guess it’s what I deserve to have. I am determined to grow – in spite of myself. Someday, I’ll be happy. I know I will. I believe in God with all my heart and I believe that my dreams are there for a reason. The prayers I said are working. I’m feeling better.

You may have to work for it, however. – Richard Bach

Unmasked Excerpt

Dogged Rebellion

January 16, 1988


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This series of excerpts is dedicated to raise awareness about addiction and mental illness: posted in loving memory of Robin Williams and all who have lost their lives or are suffering from mental illness and/or addiction.

You are always a slave to what you are not aware of. – Anthony DeMello

Three weeks already! I’ve been out of the program – out of my mind. I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been learning a few things, but I’m still riding the endless merry-go-round of party-hangover-sometimes lucid moments. I’m slipping back into my old ways. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know if I’ll make it, and I don’t feel confident in my actions. I’m lost.

I hope with all of my heart that God is really there and that if I hang on tight, I’ll make it through with Him at my side. I can’t believe how scary life has become. I need God’s help desperately right now, but I don’t know exactly how to pray. I just want God’s way. I don’t want to live or die in hell. I feel as though I’m very familiar with what hell is – no control – self-will run riot. I want so much more.

Unmasked Excerpt

Dark Valley

August 22, 1988


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To lose the self is to suddenly realize that you are something other than what you thought you were. – Anthony DeMello

It hurt to see Troy cry over me. It caused me pain to hurt him. That was an interesting thing to learn about myself; that I really don’t want to see Troy hurt the way I’ve hurt; that I want him to be happy with or without me.

I think I’m growing up. Today, I see beauty within myself.

Unmasked Excerpts

Uncharted Waters

October 9, 1991


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We differ from others only in what we do or don’t do, not in what we are. – Anthony DeMello

The following pages are excerpts from my journal that began as a class requirement in my tenth grade English class. Weeks into the assignment, I became certain that it was an important project that would someday be published. Consequently, I have been obedient to the push from within that has consistently urged me to “write that down.”  The journal is now 28 years old and 22 books long. Beginning with an entry from 1980 when I was 18 years old and finishing high school, the book has been edited in order to respect your time and patience, but remains raw enough to capture the truth of the person I was at the time of the writing. The names of all but the current people in my life have been changed in order to protect their privacy.

In the first entry, I insinuate that I wish I could go back in time and share with myself the wisdom of experience. With this as one of the objectives of this book, I have used the timeless words of saints, sages, the salvaged, and the Savior to speak wisdom into my circumstances.

However, many of these circumstances have not been pleasant. Although God dramatically entered my life in 1986, I have been an alcoholic, an addict, a compulsively overeating bulimic, a harlot, an adulteress, a child murderer, a manic depressive with psychotic tendencies, a liar, a cheater, and a thief. I am a fallen soul – saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ and given an entirely new life, from the inside out.

Nonetheless, my journey to redemption has been unconventional. Spiritually, I have been immersed in Alcoholics Anonymous, Unity Church, the Self-Realization Fellowship, the Pentecostal Church, the Evangelical Bible Church, and the Anglican Church. As a self-educated college drop-out, my intellectual pursuits have been Psychology, Quantum Physics, Sociology, and World Religion. I have found pieces of truth, as well as error, in all of these places, but have been able to reconcile my learning into a comprehensive worldview. Consequently, another objective of this book is to share this reconciliation with you; to educate you on the nature of addiction and the vital ingredients necessary for permanent and effective Twelve Step sobriety, to clarify the ideas of New Age Thought, and to illuminate the universal truths of life as well as the unique Truth of Christianity.

However, the most important objective of this book is to bring hope to those of you who feel as though you are lost beyond retrieval.  I pray that my experience will encourage you to believe that there is nothing that you can do or have done that is capable of separating you from the love of God – if only you will turn to Him and follow Him.  I have exposed my deepest and most shameful secrets that you may know that you are not alone.

It is my prayer that all of us may learn that the one true God desires and is able to meet us where we are with the ultimate purpose of unifying us for the perfection and peace of His world. I encourage you to move through these pages with honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to stretch beyond your previous boundaries of knowledge and understanding in order to have a fresh perspective of yourself, your companions in life, and the world in which you live.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”  May God Himself lead you personally and profoundly into the deep reality of this statement; into an experience with Him as the endless well of Life, Love, and Truth.  This is the hope of glory.

Paige DeHart

Bedford, Texas

August, 2006

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Don’t ask the world to change – you change first. – Anthony DeMello

My attitude towards Dad is changing a lot. That’s what trips me out about recovery: you dream of all of these things that would require miracles to happen and then realize that what’s really required is a change in yourself in order to accept life on life’s terms. Guess what?  Accepting life on life’s terms is the miracle.

The truth is that life is good and everything is okay the way it is. Now, to get to a state of mind where you can see that is a miracle. I never dreamed in a million years that beyond forgiving Dad, I would realize that I was wrong in blaming him. I’m grateful for all of this because it’s giving me something that I’ve needed for a long time, the respect for Dad that he deserves.

My prayers really are being answered. My faith is strong right now and my willingness to change is at a very high level. I look forward to these changes because the more I change, the better my life seems to get.

Who needs fame when plain old life turns out to be not plain at all?  Life really is a gift. Thank you, God!

Unmasked Excerpt


April 10, 1991

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When you drop your errors you will know the truth. – Anthony DeMello

As I uncover my delusional process, I see how truly “insane” I can be. It’s more than taking the first drink, it’s more than the crazy things I did while drinking, and it’s more than doing the same thing over and over again – expecting different results. Insanity is believing two things that oppose one another.

I can see that the recovery process is a continual process that is like gardening.  I recently reread The Parable of the Weeds (Matthew13:24-30) that shed some light on what is going on with me.  Jesus said not to pull the weeds while the good seed is still a seedling – to let them grow side by side until the good seed is a strong vine – to pull the weeds at the time of the harvest.  The lies inside of me are the weeds.

Unmasked Excerpt

Becoming Human

April 1, 1998


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