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Joy in Suffering 

Thank You, God, for the privilege of suffering. How sweet the pain; and how great the anticipation of its corresponding joy. For yes, God, my pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses my understanding; and I understand this: what good is salt if it has lost its savor? Thank You for the seasoning. Thank You for the texture. Thank You for giving me the ability to sit in serenity through the seasons of my grief; to wait in peace through the violent blows of the threshing floor. I stand before You; naked and not ashamed; vulnerable and bleeding, but not afraid. How sweet the taste of sadness, God, when contrasted to the ecstasy of just one touch of Your seamless garment. 

Unmasked Excerpt

Joy and Sorrow 

The Spirit told me to capture all of this so here goes… Either I am a crazy weirdo or else; welcome inside the mind of all of us. Welcome to the places we pretend do not exist. Welcome to the depths of sorrow and doubt and discouragement and weariness. Paul had a thorn in his flesh; I have a porcupine in mine. It is like that for us addicts. I suspect that it is like that for us humans, but we are all too busy putting on pretenses to admit it.

I am utterly depressed. There is a part of me that is locked deep inside; screaming bloody murder to get out. No five mile run, anti-depressant, drink, or drug can stifle the plea within me. I know her Hero is on His way, but I see today that this is all a part of the experience; becoming seasoned…to be the salt of the earth.

I picked up a dear old friend today: Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet. It says so beautifully what I have come to understand to be the reality of existence; of walking with God, whose hands can also be a terribly frightening place to be.

 “When Love beckons you, follow Him, though His ways are hard and steep. And when His wings enfold you yield to Him, though the sword hidden among His pinions may wound you. And when He speaks to you believe in Him, though His voice may shatter your dreams as the North wind lays waste the garden.

For even as Love crowns you so shall He crucify you. Even as He is for your growth so is He for your pruning. Even as He ascends to your heights and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall He descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn He gathers you unto Himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; and then He assigns you to His sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All of these things shall Love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only Love’s peace and Love’s pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of Love’s threshing floor into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.”

Unmasked Excerpt

Deconstruction

Pausing is an uncomfortable experience for me. There is still a deep pain inside of me. I am so ready for God to take it. Less of me, more of Him: none of me, all of Him.  

The deep pain is the fear that God will not take care of me. It is the part of me that still does not trust Him. But I cannot change that because my will power cannot conquer self will. I just have to wait and pray; believe and surrender.

The Spirit told me to be patient; that there is major internal reconstruction being done. That is exactly how it feels: like a giant wrecking ball is knocking down walls that have old and heinous stench behind them. There is so much rage and hostility wrapped around that inherent fear of being alone and unloved. 

I know that God will unravel all of this. I am ready. May God tear down all of my walls and create a huge empty space that the Spirit may fill.

Unmasked Excerpt

Breakthrough 

I feel prompted to “capture” this moment, but this is definitely a day when I do not want to capture myself. I want to lose myself. I am sick of my self.  

I have been struggling. I am still attached to the need for recognition: to the need to “make my mark;” to the belief that I am nothing unless I do something or be somebody “special”….like there is such a thing.

I just do not want to own these shadows; yet another part of myself that I hate. It is all just a Catch-22: I hide, the hiding causes pain, the discovery is too painful, I hide….ad infinitum. Thank God for being Jesus.

Unmasked Excerpt

Reciprocal God

LISTEN AND SPEAK TO ME IN ORDER TO KEEP THE LINES EXCHANGING. PRAYER AND MEDITATION ARE A SIMILAR EXCHANGE TO THE CONTINUOUS TRANSFORMATIVE PROCESS BETWEEN MASS AND ENERGY. IT’S ALL ABOUT DIALOGUE.  

EVERYTHING IS A MACROCOSM OF A MICROCOSM, BUT THE MICRO IS GREATER THAN THE MACRO. I AM BOTH THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA—THE BEGINNING AND THE END—THE INVISIBLE AND THE VISIBLE.

I WILL SAVE SODOM IF JUST ONE PERSON IS RIGHTEOUS (AND THAT DOES NOT MEAN GOOD, BUT OBEDIENT). THE ONLY WAY TO HAVE MY RIGHTEOUSNESS IS TO ABIDE IN ME, BUT EVERYONE MUST REALIZE THAT ABIDING IN ME GOES WAY BEYOND A MORALITY ISSUE. I HOLD THE KEY TO ALL THINGS AND TO THOSE WHO ABIDE IN ME, I WILL GIVE THE HIDDEN MANNA.   

I AM THE AUTHOR OF ALL LIFE AND BELIEVE ME, I’M NO SHAKESPEARE. THIS IS NOT A TRAGEDY. I SPEAK LIFE. I SPEAK LOVE. DO YOU LOVE ME? THEN, FEED MY SHEEP – EVERY DAY – UNTIL YOU ARE ALL FILLED WITH HIDDEN MANNA. EARTH IS HEAVEN’S PROMISED LAND JUST AS HEAVEN IS EARTH’S.

Message From The Holy Spirit

Unmasked Excerpt

Belong

I have now finished college and am working as counselor for people with chemical dependency issues. My many years of personal recovery, my education, and now my new professional experiences have highlighted one important thing: people need a sense of belonging more than anything. Abraham Maslow listed this need as basic; only to be exceeded by basic physiological needs. However, I am a person and have known others who need love more than food, clothing, or shelter. I personally believe that the lack of a sense of belonging is what differentiates those who can access personal power and those who are literally powerless.

My education helped me to understand that 12-step programs are as important as I had believed; but not for the reasons I had believed. In 12-step programs, a legalistic movement has put great emphasis on following directions and working the steps. Teaching others to change their thinking and to practice new behaviors is very important, but not as important as loving the newcomer until they can love themselves. It is love that motivates and inspires the powerless to believe that they can change. In “Notes to Myself,” Hugh Prather said, “It’s not that we fear the place of darkness, but that we don’t think we are worth the effort to find the place of light.” I know in my heart of hearts that this is the truth. Our primary responsibility to others is to affirm to them that they are worth the effort.

It has now been 27 years since I began this journey. I am a person who was paralyzed with fear, self-loathing, and an utter sense of hopelessness. It took a miraculous intervention by God Himself to lead me to the place where I would find my sense of belonging: A.A. I did not keep going back because a taskmaster sponsor told me so or because I was following the rules. I went back because the people there loved me and tolerated me, even though I was unlovable and intolerable: and I hope to always be motivated to return the favor.  

I still believe that Jesus is the reason that grace is available to us on this earth, but I do not believe that anyone needs to believe a certain doctrine to receive His help. My experience has convinced me that when anyone, anywhere, cries out to the very notion of a Higher Power, the Spirit of the Risen Christ comes to save; not to condemn. I have not forgotten my first Love or the very first words that He said to me, “You are loved. It is not too late to change the path you are on, but you must turn and go the other way. But do not be afraid for I am with you always; even until the end of time.” His promise has been true; and this promise is true for all who need to belong before they can believe.

September, 2012

Ubiquitous God

YOU CRY TO ME TO SEE MY FACE; TO EXPERIENCE ME IN EXTREME AND SPECTACULAR WAYS. LET ME REMIND YOU THAT YOU HAVE HAD MANY SUCH EXPERIENCES. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE MANY TIMES USED THEM TO DISTINGUISH YOURSELF FROM OTHERS AND, THEREFORE, TO DIVIDE AND SEPARATE. I NOW CHARGE YOU WITH THE GREATEST CHALLENGE, WHICH WILL ALSO BE THE FULFILLMENT OF YOUR HEART’S CRY TO SEE ME AND TO KNOW ME. I AM EVERYWHERE! EXPOSE ME. SEE ME. KNOW ME. UNMASK ME IN EVERYONE YOU ENCOUNTER.

Holy Spirit Download 

Unmasked Excerpt 

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