Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Beyond Karma

Paramahansa Yogananda said that we can deny karma and Emmet Fox said that Christ transcends karma. I have never really understood that until now. If we sleepwalk through life, conditioned by collective environmental programming, we will reap what we have unconsciously sewn.

However, if we do the hard work of awakening, we willingly face the darkness within ourselves, that light may illuminate truth. This is the difference between the pain that gives birth to understanding and the suffering of quiet desperation.

I must become fully human, facing everything within myself, before I can transcend my humanity to the truth of Spirit. As Jesus said, “clean first the inside of the cup.”


Read Full Post »

Wake Up!

Let us pray: Great Spirit of love, life, truth, and understanding, fill the hearts and minds of all who inhabit this earth until we realize that LOVE is the only reality. Namaste and Amen 💕

Read Full Post »


The new agers say that we have to “stake our claim,” which I know has validity, but the Bible says to ask and you receive. There seems to be a fine line here. It seems like some think that we are supposed to take what He wants to give us.

Unmasked Excerpt

Read Full Post »


Christianity is not a message which has to be believed,but an experience of faith that becomes a message. – Edward Schillebeeckx

I have been so competitive and unfair towards Jesus. My pride wanted to tell me that I am equal to Him on my own merit. My recent experience with the Fourth Step showed me that on my own merit, I should be dead. I need to accept that this love and loftiness that is in me is not me and that I cannot claim it for my own glory. It is mine in order to do what is the will of God. 

I’m just blown away by this majestic power that is yanking the shingles from my eyes. I truly feel like Saul/Paul. I made and continue to make many mistakes, but have been blinded by the light of Jesus after many years of persecuting Him in the name of God.

Unmasked Excerpt

Read Full Post »

Self Acceptance 

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” – Albert Einstein

So many bad situations in my life stem from me not taking care of myself. I guess that I get desperately afraid that if I don’t let other people enmesh with me, I’ll lose them. I set enmeshment traps. I use my charm and sexuality and spirituality to lure them in and get them so involved in my process that they need me to help them define themselves. That is very sick and twisted.  

I guess seeing this is the process to getting closer to God. It figures that when self-examination becomes sickening, you’re on the right path. It was more fun to look at myself and see glorious perfection. What a lie, though! I was using God as a public relations mode to promote myself. No wonder I fell on my butt.

Today, what I see when I look at myself is a lovable, valuable, imperfect, mixed up child of God. I like the kid, though. She’s real sweet and nutty. I guess I am finally learning to accept myself just as I am. Thank You, God!

Excerpt page 142

Read Full Post »


“There are only two choices: integration and acceptance of our whole life story, or despair.” – Eric Erikson

I did something wrong and he’s angry and I felt all of those feelings like I’m a total failure, like I’m worthless, and like I’ll never be good enough. Who told me that I wasn’t supposed to make mistakes? It’s more of that letting go of my old ideas thing. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be me.

I realize that growing up, I was told in words that I was better than everyone else, but because of actions toward me, I felt worthless. That’s very confusing. I need to remember more things from my childhood. One thing I know for sure: I am not the person whom I have been told that I am. I still have to have arguments with myself to convince me that I’m not a bad person. I must realize that it is not being wrong that does the damage, but being unaware that I am wrong. All of these new tapes are so different.

I also realize that I have grown up believing that I am unworthy of forgiveness.

Excerpt page 142

Read Full Post »


“There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” – Henry David Thoreau

I finished a thorough inventory Wednesday night and then did my Fifth Step with my sponsor. I can’t say that it was a peak spiritual experience, but I did experience lack of turmoil when I was finished. I woke up this morning and had a flood of memories from my childhood. That was interesting. I started remembering a lot of spankings for stupid stuff that’s pretty normal for a small child. I let go of a lot of pain in the Fifth Step so it doesn’t hurt so badly, but I still feel pretty nauseated and anxious. I’m starting to understand why I was so terrified all of the time; my punishments were too severe for the behavior.

I feel good about my recovery right now. I really have been fooling myself about those Steps. This is the first real inventory I have ever shared with another human being.  


It’s really kind of hard to believe that my spiritual experiences could have been so overwhelming without the Steps. I guess that’s why I couldn’t handle them. I’ve probably got the same level of spirituality now (if not more), but it doesn’t seem so intense because I have more balance. 

Basically, the further I go, I see just how much I am incapable of managing my own life; drunk or sober. The inventory also really let me see the futility of holding onto the dream of resolution in this relationship. From the very beginning I believed that I was there to rescue him. I always believed that he needed rescuing. In other words, I did not accept him how he was. I’m not sure if I have ever even looked objectively at who he actually is.

Excerpt page 138

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: