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I have had three abortions; and I have thrown myself on the living room floor and cried out to God for the life of my 18-year-old daughter; who had been shot in the head and dumped on a dead-end road. God was with me in all of those situations; and He is with me now. I am Pro-Choice and Pro-Life.

For me, to be Pro-Choice is not to be Pro-Abortion; as being Pro-Life does not mean being Anti-Choice. And I believe I am qualified to inform concerning the mental and emotional state of many women in that position of choice. We were terrified; so much that we may have aborted the children ourselves!

I do not argue that my unplanned pregnancies of youth were not irresponsible. However, I can attest that the motives behind the abortions were driven by magnified fears; fear that the baby would be damaged due to my drug use, fear that my family would disown me if they found out, and, most terrifying, fear that I was totally inadequate to be a human being, much less a parent.

The greatest joy of my life is being a mother; and the greatest regrets are interrupting the lives of the three souls that were making their way to me. So, I know the wonders of motherhood and the consequences of fear-driven decisions. But I also know that God does not hold my poor decisions against me.

I have spent many long hours with God; hashing out the emotional fall-out of my choices. In the first ten years after the abortions, I was led to name my unborn children and release them into the loving arms of Jesus. But as my relationship with God and my worldview have matured, I have been assured that, in God’s world, my poor choices never happened. They never happened; and I believe that the souls that were making their way to me have indeed arrived as my precious daughters.

There is a principle in Physics that states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. God has assured me that it is the same with Life. I may have made better decisions if I had been lovingly offered alternatives. And I have counseled many women in that decision-making process. Some made the choice to have their babies; and some did not. I know for sure that the ones who had their baby were not disappointed.

So, if you want to help women in that terrifying, decision-making process, be pro-adoption if you want. But don’t forget to be pro-love. Please don’t underestimate the shame and vulnerability of young women making hard choices; and please understand that loud shouts against abortion only cause further despair in the women who have had them. As my old friend Emmet Fox once said, “We are not punished for our sins, but by them.”

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Beyond Karma

Paramahansa Yogananda said that we can deny karma and Emmet Fox said that Christ transcends karma. I have never really understood that until now. If we sleepwalk through life, conditioned by collective environmental programming, we will reap what we have unconsciously sewn.

However, if we do the hard work of awakening, we willingly face the darkness within ourselves, that light may illuminate truth. This is the difference between the pain that gives birth to understanding and the suffering of quiet desperation.

I must become fully human, facing everything within myself, before I can transcend my humanity to the truth of Spirit. As Jesus said, “clean first the inside of the cup.”

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Wake Up!

Let us pray: Great Spirit of love, life, truth, and understanding, fill the hearts and minds of all who inhabit this earth until we realize that LOVE is the only reality. Namaste and Amen 💕

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Receive 

The new agers say that we have to “stake our claim,” which I know has validity, but the Bible says to ask and you receive. There seems to be a fine line here. It seems like some think that we are supposed to take what He wants to give us.

Unmasked Excerpt

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Jesus

Christianity is not a message which has to be believed,but an experience of faith that becomes a message. – Edward Schillebeeckx

I have been so competitive and unfair towards Jesus. My pride wanted to tell me that I am equal to Him on my own merit. My recent experience with the Fourth Step showed me that on my own merit, I should be dead. I need to accept that this love and loftiness that is in me is not me and that I cannot claim it for my own glory. It is mine in order to do what is the will of God. 

I’m just blown away by this majestic power that is yanking the shingles from my eyes. I truly feel like Saul/Paul. I made and continue to make many mistakes, but have been blinded by the light of Jesus after many years of persecuting Him in the name of God.

Unmasked Excerpt

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Self Acceptance 

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.” – Albert Einstein

So many bad situations in my life stem from me not taking care of myself. I guess that I get desperately afraid that if I don’t let other people enmesh with me, I’ll lose them. I set enmeshment traps. I use my charm and sexuality and spirituality to lure them in and get them so involved in my process that they need me to help them define themselves. That is very sick and twisted.  

I guess seeing this is the process to getting closer to God. It figures that when self-examination becomes sickening, you’re on the right path. It was more fun to look at myself and see glorious perfection. What a lie, though! I was using God as a public relations mode to promote myself. No wonder I fell on my butt.

Today, what I see when I look at myself is a lovable, valuable, imperfect, mixed up child of God. I like the kid, though. She’s real sweet and nutty. I guess I am finally learning to accept myself just as I am. Thank You, God!

Excerpt page 142

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Integration 

“There are only two choices: integration and acceptance of our whole life story, or despair.” – Eric Erikson

I did something wrong and he’s angry and I felt all of those feelings like I’m a total failure, like I’m worthless, and like I’ll never be good enough. Who told me that I wasn’t supposed to make mistakes? It’s more of that letting go of my old ideas thing. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to be me.

I realize that growing up, I was told in words that I was better than everyone else, but because of actions toward me, I felt worthless. That’s very confusing. I need to remember more things from my childhood. One thing I know for sure: I am not the person whom I have been told that I am. I still have to have arguments with myself to convince me that I’m not a bad person. I must realize that it is not being wrong that does the damage, but being unaware that I am wrong. All of these new tapes are so different.

I also realize that I have grown up believing that I am unworthy of forgiveness.

Excerpt page 142

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