Paige Thomas DeHart

I have now finished college and am working as counselor for people with chemical dependency issues. My many years of personal recovery, my education, and now my new professional experiences have highlighted one important thing: people need a sense of belonging more than anything. Abraham Maslow listed this need as basic; only to be exceeded by basic physiological needs. However, I am a person and have known others who need love more than food, clothing, or shelter. I personally believe that the lack of a sense of belonging is what differentiates those who can access personal power and those who are literally powerless.

My education helped me to understand that 12-step programs are as important as I had believed; but not for the reasons I had believed. In 12-step programs, a legalistic movement has put great emphasis on following directions and working the steps. Teaching others to change their thinking and to practice new behaviors is very important, but not as important as loving the newcomer until they can love themselves. It is love that motivates and inspires the powerless to believe that they can change. In “Notes to Myself,” Hugh Prather said, “It’s not that we fear the place of darkness, but that we don’t think we are worth the effort to find the place of light.” I know in my heart of hearts that this is the truth. Our primary responsibility to others is to affirm to them that they are worth the effort.

It has now been 27 years since I began this journey. I am a person who was paralyzed with fear, self-loathing, and an utter sense of hopelessness. It took a miraculous intervention by God Himself to lead me to the place where I would find my sense of belonging: A.A. I did not keep going back because a taskmaster sponsor told me so or because I was following the rules. I went back because the people there loved me and tolerated me, even though I was unlovable and intolerable: and I hope to always be motivated to return the favor.  

I still believe that Jesus is the reason that grace is available to us on this earth, but I do not believe that anyone needs to believe a certain doctrine to receive His help. My experience has convinced me that when anyone, anywhere, cries out to the very notion of a Higher Power, the Spirit of the Risen Christ comes to save; not to condemn. I have not forgotten my first Love or the very first words that He said to me, “You are loved. It is not too late to change the path you are on, but you must turn and go the other way. But do not be afraid for I am with you always; even until the end of time.” His promise has been true; and this promise is true for all who need to belong before they can believe.

September, 2012