Paige Thomas DeHart

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. – 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

The past two weeks have been hell. I have become aware that I have a deep sense of insignificance; which explains my drive to do something important; to make my mark. This grand realization came as a result of my husband’s impending ordination. If he does not need me to save him, what am I for? 

I also see how truly self-centered I am. I tell God I am willing to “go to any length” to do “the right thing,” but now I see how I can color my self-determined objectives and call them “the right thing.”  

I have said that I am willing to die for the cause of being the person that God would have me be, but am I willing to step down from the throne and be the wife to another leader? Am I willing to be supportive of a cause that does not place me front and center? Am I willing to let go of every preconceived notion I have ever had; including any and all notions of who I am? Am I willing to forget about myself and truly seek to be loving, understanding, and consoling more than I am to be loved, understood, and consoled?  

These are hard questions to answer. They are also my current instructions and my ego has been kicking and screaming all the way to the crucifixion. Truly, more than any “grand idea” of whom I could be, this situation offers more opportunity for character building than I could have imagined.  

Maybe this will be a stepping stone to “great” demonstrations, but that is none of my business. Besides, what does it matter if I reach the ultimate goal in consciousness, yet am unable to support my husband in the achievement of his greatest desire?  

Unmasked Excerpt