Paige Thomas DeHart

“To get into the core of God at his greatest, one must first get into the core of himself at his least, for no one can know God who has not first known himself.” – Meister Eckhart

I have been doing the “Big Book Awakening” Fourth Step and it has has put me on an emotional roller-coaster; torn between sadness, anger, and fear. Thank God that my mentality is focused so that I can process this experience with discernment rather than just freak out with utter fear that I am going insane. 

This process is showing me how emotionally unavailable I have really been. It’s hard for me to believe that “Miss A.A./Miss One-With-God” has been yet another disguise for my ego; another mask for my deep-seeded fears and insecurities.

I have been deeply programmed to believe that negative emotional excess is crazy; that I better stuff it and not let anyone know how unmanageable my feelings really are. Thank God for books and people who have gone through this process. They validate for me that weepiness, anxiety, and rage are all a part of the unmasking.

I am not crazy and God will pull me through this. Although I am terribly uncomfortable, this too shall pass. Even though I am tempted to judge this as a “bad” experience, I know that it will lead to more freedom and authenticity. I am ready, willing, and able to rise above all limitations within me; with God’s help.

Unmasked Excerpt