This series of excerpts is dedicated to raise awareness about addiction and mental illness: posted in loving memory of Robin Williams and all who have lost their lives or are suffering from mental illness and/or addiction.
We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato
I got a ridiculous brainstorm to do some crank to suppress my appetite. It really messed me up. I haven’t slept for two days and I’m depressed. I don’t know what to do. I’m plunging ahead when I don’t even know who I am or where I’m going. I just don’t think that I’m going to make it.
I saw my therapist today and went to the eating disorder group. It’s so obvious that I need to quit drinking and doing drugs again, but I don’t feel up to it. It’s too painful and I just can’t handle it. I don’t know which is worse – the drug addiction and alcoholism or the eating disorder. All I know is that I’d rather be drunk than fat.
I don’t know if I’ll ever sober up and fly right. The bulimia has me near death – vomiting blood, bloating, and severe headaches. I don’t think that I’m ever going to get it together. The worst part is that I don’t even know if I want to. It’s just too hard. I feel as though I’m doomed to live in darkness forever.
Unmasked Excerpt
Dark Valley
September 1, 1988
Paige Thomas DeHart 
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