Paige Thomas DeHart

The root of evil is within you.  As you begin to understand this, you stop making demands on yourself, you stop having expectations of yourself, and you understand. – Anthony DeMello

I woke up this morning and felt depressed.  I examined it and realized it is because I am coming to terms with the betrayer within me who doesn’t care about anyone but herself.  I beat up on myself for being fat when the ugliness within is the real thing that I should be focused on.

I have come to see that the part of me that wants to be single is the part of me that simply doesn’t want to face the fact that I am BEYOND middle age.  I don’t want to face the reality of an aging husband; because I don’t want to face the same truth about myself.  I still think of myself as young when I have a grown daughter!  I am so immature.

This morning, though, I could really feel in my spirit that I will be taught all of the beautiful things that go with growing old.  I just have to let go.  I can really see God working because the pastor at church is talking about betrayal – and I am seeing the betrayer within myself.

Although this is all quite painful, I know from my past experiences that this is a beginning of yet another change.  God makes all things new – including me.

The Journey Continues

January 21, 2008