Paige Thomas DeHart

This is the very perfection of man, to find out his own imperfections. – Saint Augustine

Another year!  2008 was not fun.  I basically spent the whole year feeling sorry for myself because I have to work and because I am getting old.  Last night, I was half asleep and thinking about Hope and Laurel and what they would be like as adults.  The Spirit jumped in and convicted me about how self-centered I have been in thinking that my life is all about me.  He told me that I have been worried about losing my youth, but that I still have plenty of good years ahead of me participating in the lives of the people that I help – which include the lives of my children – and future grandchildren.  I can be such a brat.

I finally finished formatting all of the step work and then decided to work the steps again myself.  In step two, I realized that I have been having a huge crisis of faith.  I basically just turned from the Lord and decided that I will never trust him again.  I also began to believe that God is not as great as I once believed.  Those lies have been tearing me apart.  I am willing to believe that his promises are true – and that no mind can conceive the good that God has planned for those that love Him.  I love Him, but sometimes it is conditional love.  Like I said, I can be such a brat.

I also heard in my spirit that I had to believe really grandiose things in the past or else I would not have had the motivation to hang in there.  Now, just being able to be content in all situations would be enough for me.  I don’t care anything about being special anymore.

Anyway, it’s another new year.  Time flies when you’re a spoiled brat!

The Journey Continues

January 1, 2009