Paige Thomas DeHart

“What do I want to do in life?”

Here I assume a reason for living that is separate from life. – Hugh Prather

I’ve finally decided that I don’t care if the journal is significant or not. If the work is meant to get organized, it will, but I’m tired of concerning myself with it. Sure, I’m willing to share my experience, strength, and hope, but on the other hand, I’m busy living it. I had a nagging feeling about not having enough time to write.  I told myself, “I just have to do something worthwhile.” Then the little voice said, “Living your life is worthwhile.” The little voice is right.

I don’t need the world’s approval for my life to be worthwhile. I just don’t need to be a big deal anymore because being an ordinary human being is enough. My deepest heart’s desire has come true because I’ve found the love, acceptance, and belonging that I believed would come from being “important.” Who would have thought that being a housewife and mother would hold the secrets and treasures of existence?  I wouldn’t have and that point exemplifies exactly just how much I don’t know. I just give up.

I realized the other day that one of the acronyms for GOD is “Good Orderly Direction.”  I see that I confused “direction” with “details.”  All I can do each day is face in God’s direction and let go.  It’s like being a sailboat and God is the wind.  I don’t know which way the wind is going to blow.  I just have to concern myself with getting the sails up; not with painting angels on the side of the boat for all to see.  All I have to do is live; one day at a time.

The other day I was sitting in my rocker, nursing Hope, and listening to Laurel and Mike bicker over homework. I had dinner in the oven and about a million loads of laundry to fold.  All I could think was, “This is fun.”  Last night, I woke up and realized that what I had been experiencing were the sounds and feelings of a “family” – my family.  I guess that’s all I ever really needed – to be a part of a family.  It’s just not over-rated.  I’m just so grateful to be experiencing these simple things.  I’m so grateful to live!  I love my simple, beautiful life.

 Unmasked Excerpt

Becoming Human

January 23, 1997