Paige Thomas DeHart

Lift my hands and spin around

See the light that I have found

O the marvelous light, marvelous light

Is Christ in you

No more shame! – Charlie Hall

January 14, 2005

I have been editing the journal to its form that will be submitted to publishers.  This is quite an experience for me because it continues to blow my mind concerning the faithfulness and thoroughness of Jesus—and the utter depravity of myself without Him.

I came to the part where I had the abortion in 1990. It was so painful to read because I had no regard for the child I murdered. All I could focus on was how hard my life was.  At least I knew that I was making it hard on myself, but the depth of my selfishness was appalling.

The good news about it is the Good News Himself. He is faithful; even when I fail. He told me that my precious babies are with Him and assured me that they are waiting for me. And then, in His usual way, He pointed out my progress to me. He showed me that the reason I can now clearly see the selfishness is that the beam has been removed much more.

He showed me that all we really ever see is ourselves. If we see others with judgment, we see what we are. If we see with compassion, we see what we have been—or could be. With compassion, we are able to see – both within ourselves and in others – what we are capable of becoming through His love and grace and mercy. To me, that is just beautiful.

Another very clear lesson that He has taught me through the journal is that the “only way out is through.” In ’89, it is so clear that I took the potential of what was to come and just pretended as if it already was without the “working out” of it all. I fell hard and then realized that what was truly in front of me was sobriety and integrity.  The journey of a thousand miles truly does begin with the first step, but every step must be taken—in order. It is simple life on life’s terms that prepares us for any dream-come-true.

You can’t become a teacher without first being an obedient student. I am truly blessed because I have literally been taught everything I know by the Master Teacher Himself, but what He has taught me is that the foundation is the most important part of the structure and that the integrity of the whole is impossible without the Chief Cornerstone—Him. We cannot build a tower to Heaven, but the Master Builder can construct layer upon layer of deep and examined experience that finalizes in a very “High” structure, but it is an organic whole – not a compartmentalized edifice.

I’ve spent my whole life dreaming of the time that is happening now. He has made my ministry my vocation and the journal has come to its completion point for the book. Yet now I understand that all of this would be meaningless without the deep content and awesome context of my life. This whole world is focused on the outer form of what things look like without understanding that it is the filling that is the substance; and substance requires both righteous seed and fertile ground.

Let me say right now to those that are reading this (He’s prompted me my whole life to take notes for you): if you have a dream, dare to believe in it, but understand this…

The simple things in life done well are truly the most difficult tasks: to be patient with a child, to be loving and supportive to a spouse, to be fair, to be honest. The integrity of your own soul is the most important thing and the relationships in your life are your laboratory to test and strengthen your living skills.  I believe that this has best been said as “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Matthew 16:26)  It takes much more humility to be a window washer than to be the executive sitting in the leather chair inside the window.

… But back to your dream: do what you love! Do it for free! Do it with passion! He’ll make your joy your vocation if you don’t give up.

Precious Lord, what more can I say to You but thank you! Thank You, Jesus, for saving my life, for making me into a new person (constantly), for giving me wisdom and discernment, for giving me the privilege to serve You. I pray, Lord, that all who read the words of these many pages will be unmasked themselves – that You may be revealed as the One True Identity of all. I am forever Yours.