December 14, 1989
Lately, I am becoming aware of some major character defects that I have never seen before. I have no respect for other people’s boundaries. I just invade as if I’m entitled to do or say anything I please. I guess being aware of these things is the beginning of being able to change.
We now clearly see that we have been making unreasonable demands upon ourselves, upon others, and upon God. – Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
December 18, 1989
I truly am one with God and all I have to do is recognize it to be fulfilled. I guess for a while there I felt as if I have to pray constantly for God to be with me. Today I realize that He is with me always and forever – no matter what. I love Him so much. My life is so rich today simply because I asked for help and became willing to accept it.
For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. – James 1:23-24
December 21, 1989
I see that I have been very self-righteous about my program. I will never be immune from this disease. I see what they mean when they say I must guard my sobriety with vigilance. I realize that there still lurks something inside of me that wants to shatter my world. That is very scary.
Be sober, be vigilant; Your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. – 1 Peter 5:8
December 28, 1989
I’ve sort of been a fool, but that’s okay. I guess the bottom line is that I am realizing that although I am a spiritual being, I am also a human being who, even when I am doing my best, still has room for improvement. I don’t have to climb to the top of any ladders to see how beautiful the view is. The beauty is the experience of life itself.
Hey, Paige, I love you and accept you just the way you are.