July 23, 1982
I do believe that God exists because when I deny Him, my life seems to block itself from understanding. I’ve evaluated everything and reset my goals, but the anxiety and depression won’t go away.
Maybe I expect too much too soon. I’ve spent a lot of time denying my needs – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I guess it will take time to mend. I’ve got to stop losing myself all the time or someday I might not be able to find me again.
Eat right, exercise, no marijuana, pray, be nice, work hard, alcohol in moderation: I always set the same goals, but they never seem to materialize. Why am I such a self-defeatist?